Becoming a Small Talk Expert

Many people noticed that their social skills got a little rusty during the pandemic. In a segment of the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, “Becoming a Small Talk Expert,” Michael Kosta asked my advice on the topic.

My latest book discusses the psychology of mirrors and reflections. Research explains why being reflected by others is so vital to our well-being. Being reflected occurs naturally during face-to-face conversations. We need these reflections from others to affirm our sense of self, help us regulate our emotions, and be in social coordination with others. But we typically don’t just stare at each other. Instead, we engage in some sort of conversation. We often start with some small talk. Small talk is considered polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, like the weather, food, travel, and hobbies.

Many people hate the idea of small talk. Even thinking about doing it can make you feel awkward and vulnerable. Yet it’s often the most common way to begin any interaction. Small talk is a social skill, like a social lubricant, to fill the void between uncomfortable silence and deeper conversation. Small talk is often necessary for developing deeper personal and business relationships.

3 Essential Functions of Small Talk

1. To elevate your mood and increase cooperation.