Member-only story
Forgiveness is a Gift of Clarity to Yourself
Three Steps to Forgive Yourself and Others
Forgiveness can be a charged concept. We can use it to assume moral superiority that we’re better than others — as we forgive them for their wrongs. The pressure to forgive others can force us to glaze over deep injustices with phony peace and love, sometimes called a spiritual bypass, and in doing so, we end up betraying ourselves.
Forgiveness ultimately means freeing ourselves from feelings of anger, resentment, and victimization, and ending with clarity about our values.
Consider these three steps to forgive yourself and others, and then let go.
1. Claim your anger. Anger can be a sign that a situation or person’s behavior is not tolerable. In this way, it’s useful information and fuels action to change the situation or change yourself. Anger can also create the separation or distance needed to change our perspective and see things differently. It’s important to feel your feelings, understand what they mean, and then release them. Science tells us that suppressing anger can cause serious health problems (like heart disease), as can expressing anger habitually, known as chronic hostility, takes its toll on our bodies and our relationships (Smith, et al, 2004).
